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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27179654">A hidden advertisement to the world.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeeJayXela/pseuds/PeeJayXela'>PeeJayXela</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>my life - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Sugar Daddy, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexuality, Body Dysphoria, Desperation, F/M, Financial Issues, Insecurity, M/M, Money, Multi, Sugar Daddy, Sugar Mommy, Virginity, help me, multiple jobs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:47:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>800</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27179654</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeeJayXela/pseuds/PeeJayXela</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Getting all this... off my chest, in the way I know how... </p><p>My dreams don't match my life. </p><p>And I'm scared I'm going to be in this life forever.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Me/Mystery Person</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A hidden advertisement to the world.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Finally having... someone- to care, and provide for her- </p><p>It's all she's ever wanted- with all her quirks, and securities, and fears... she just wanted someone who could take those feelings away and try to keep her safe frim all those awful feelings- </p><p>But she was also strong, and resilient, and she didn't like to feel weak, or degraded by men in any way- </p><p>But her other dream was to be a housewife, to stay at home, and cook, and clean, and not have a single unhappy thought in the world. </p><p>And when her ideals and her dreams conflicted with eachother, what was she to to do? When she couldn't imagine letting a man touch her, but her ultimate dream was such a... traditional, patriarchal fueled world.</p><p>And she DIDN'T want her dreams to be confused that she was weak, she didn't want anyone to accuse her of feeding into the patriarchy she hated so much... </p><p>It was just that... she wanted to be treated nicely, a sweet domestic life with no worries. </p><p>1950's, was her dream aesthetic. Bright dresses, sunny summers in a suburban environment, post war, economy booming- </p><p>But she didn't want the women-bashing, gay-shaming, racial-discrimination that came with all of that. </p><p>It was truly a conundrum, and she found herself on sugar daddy sites well into the night, upset that she wanted this life, but all the men were part of the patriarch, rude to her if she didn't submit immediately. </p><p>Submission is earned with her, she'll only do so if she trusts the man entirely. There's been too many cases of women being abused and misused and taken and killed by poor judgement or partners- </p><p>Maybe it was fear, maybe it was the idea that she wasn't good enough for any of those things... </p><p>She was plump, see, she had a little more meat on her than the average woman- Her mother often told her, in terms of rich men 'If a rich man can get any girl they want, why would they choose you?'</p><p>It hurt, it hurt a lot, but she knew her mother just wanted her to be safe. It just came across like she thought her daughter was ugly. </p><p>And- she believed it too. She'd never been on a date, never had a boyfriend, and the only time she had had sex with a guy, he told her later that he changed his mind about being friends with benefits with... little explanation. </p><p>She FELT ugly, she felt like she was too flabby, her boobs to saggy, her chin too doubled and her tummy absolutely huge. </p><p>It created a pit of loneliness inside of her that she filled with media. Books, games, shows, stories- </p><p>She wrote her own stories- or, wrote stories about other stories, other shows, other things, sometimes posing as the characters to escape how inadequate she felt as a human being. </p><p>It skewed all kinds of things, her perception of life, of love- </p><p>Not in a bad way, but it was... different, now. Confused about... gender, sexuality. </p><p>She may prefer women, actually, but the chance of a rich lady becoming her sugar momma was.... less likely. </p><p>She'd take it if one came along, of course, but it seemed even more rare, to find both a rich lady and a rich lady who was into women AND a rich lady who was into women who was also into her. </p><p>It was easier with men- she just needed to find one that was rich and wanted her- </p><p>But despite being easier, it was so, so hard... seemed impossible to find that kind of perfection she wanted... </p><p>Not to mention the fact that she had extreme anxiety about money... She had two jobs, and college on top of that- it was exhausting, but it was worth the effort, the tiredness- the exhaustion. </p><p>She was so scared of not having money, that she was willing to do these jobs, to just... have CONTROL over something, to have control over her money, to be able to look in her bank account and HAVE something...</p><p>But she was tired... and if someone could just... do that for her, could take care of her finances so that she always had enough in her account- enough to buy... little things that she wanted. </p><p>Nothing too expensive... maybe a new dress once in a while, maybe something for her dogs- little trinkets that she wanted... </p><p>The bar was so low, but it seemed like an unattainable dream she would never achieve... </p><p>She didn't want much- if she had a sugar daddy that gave her minimum wage- that would be enough for her. Maybe she could quit one job then- maybe she could actually buy something once in a while... </p><p>Please... </p><p>Working this hard is... so hard. </p><p>...</p><p>I'm so tired.</p>
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